"Online gaming is a technological advance in extracting money," said government spokesperson Eldridge Sleaze. "British Columbia will never take a back seat to anyone in hi-tech gouging."
As part of this initiative, the government has increased the limit players may wager. "It's a modest increase," said Sleaze, "from $120 a week to $9,999 a week, based on the salaries paid to presidents of Crown corporations."
Sleaze continued "In future, the government plans to raise the possible stakes even higher, so that gamers may bet their homes, their RRSPs, their pension funds, and their bodily organs."
Eager gamers are encouraged to visit the government website: luzyrshrt.com.
And now, today's odds from the government's Corleone Department:
Odds that the concerns of churches and addiction support groups will bear fruit: 50 to 1.
Odds that Bill Vanderzalm's threatened recall of MLAs will succeed: 5 to 2.
Odds that the currently outraged NDP will, if elected, revoke online gaming: 100 to 1. When was the last time you heard of any government giving up a revenue-gaining source?
Odds that the Premier and other elected representatives will reduce their self-appointed salaries to ease the province's financial burden: you're kidding, right?
And more to come! Plans underway to introduce a new government game: Russian Roulette!
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